This a reflection of education, and myself. Enjoy.
“Read pages 205-223, after you have done the reading do the ‘Check Your Comprehension 1-5’ and then complete the questions in the packet. Maybe we’ll discuss them later.” I never truly had teacher who engaged you in to the subjects and literary themes given to us until high school. We were lucky if they got up from there desk and walked around and gave two examples of how the things that are being fed to us, relates to our personal lives. Let alone how it depicts in a deeper sense. Elementary School teachers, I have come to believe, think their students could care less about their ability to learn. They were lazy, and that laziness was contagious. It came to a point when the students stop caring about classes because the teachers didn’t care; That’s were it all began. I have had more than one moment when I have heard a teacher say to their classes “You know I don’t have to teach you anything. I still get my paycheck!” A teacher shouldn’t express that no matter how unruly a class has been. Middle school was no different. The teachers cared so little that they got caught up in their own lives than the areas of focused. “What happen with your mom on vacation” is not going to help us pass all the standardized test that we’ll have to take in the next three weeks! I finally got a true educational beginning when I entered High School. The teachers wanted to catch us before we were lost to society. I, personally, knew I was lazy. I had the potential to be a straight As student but I didn’t care. I finally was concerned when I found out that there was a great chance I wasn’t going to graduate. I had dug a hole that I almost couldn’t get out of. Scott Davison was a man who, in my senior year, saved me from that abyss most students vanished in. He sat me down a said “No one is going to give a shit how talented you are or THINK you are. When you get into the real world they are just going to look passed you and not even mind. They are just going to say ‘Tough luck!’” I will never forget that day I was crying inside his classroom while my peers were out for the after school hours. One in a while people need a “Scott Davison” to shove a mirror in their face a say “Man up! Get on it!!” This was a point in time that tough love helped me forget those neglecting teachers I’ve had and those assignment I intentionally didn’t do. I learned in that one stern lecture my senior year that I am the only one who could make myself do what is asked, especially what is needed of myself as an artist and a student.
I can't say that touching down in Dallas is going to be the high light of my Spring Break. In all honesty, I don't think it will be at all. Dallas is not what some people would call "An exciting place to be." However, living in Chicago has lost it's excitement as well since the whole "not being a tourist" part kicks in the first few months. I sort of feel like I'm stuck in a purgatory between the two cities. A purgatory that gives me the feeling of not wanting to go, while not wanting to stay. When I come home, there is nothing for me to do besides work. I spend hours sitting in my office in front of a 24 inch screen iMac editing the shit brides and grooms call on us to film. The calls of deadlines and payments fill my inbox, while I search for a song that would enhance the "special moments" to two spent that glorious day. On top of that, my parents call asking me of my schedule for the day for they request that I pick up the dry-cleaning. The last break, I was bored shitless due to the hell Dallas placed upon me. Fortunately, the Columbia spring break has offered me a chance to redeem myself by being the same week as the AFI Film Festival. The down side? I can't be in it this year due to my studies. Joy. I started this filming shit, and this is the motha fucking thanks I get? I find it hard to stay away from that former lifestyle as the "Keynote speaker," or "Q & A question answerer." It's an empty feeling I get when I see the children I taught, up there like I didn't help them learn to use a camera or editing equipment. They don't know how fortunate they are to have people willing to help them get higher places. Anyway, I guess I'll suck it up, show my face, and try not to get recognized as a former student filmmaker. On the plus side, dammit I'm going to look fly and let them know I'm going places. Peace.
In ecology, predation describes a biological interaction where a predator (organism that is hunting) feeds on another living organism or organisms known as prey (organism that is attacked). Predators may or may not kill their prey prior to feeding on them, but the act of predation always results in the (ecologically significant) death of the prey. --Dictionary.com
You know what gets me? When people think that you like them, no wait....I don't think I'm conveying this correct. I hate when "Straight" people think that you like them. Its clear that I know, and respect, that you are attracted the the opposite sex. Its understandable that you may feel uncomfortable that I don't. However, you are NOT the sexiest person on the planet, and I DO NOT have any sort of any attraction to you what so ever. This is the second time in a month a girl (obviously straight) has came at me inappropriately, and expressed their distaste for my "actions." What "actions????" I treat you like I treat any other female I talk to. The clarity of these occurrences has yet to stop baffling me. It seems like, I constantly come at them a certain way and that I'm constantly in the wrong. To top it off my closest friend, who is worst that I am, is never approached on her actions. So I would like to know: WHAT MAKES ME ANY DIFFERENT?!?! If I liked you like you "claim" I do, I would have given you the treatment no man (or woman mind you) has ever done. I'm not saying that I'm Prince Charming, but I would treat you Princess that you deserve to be; not like the person makes you out to be. I have finally discovered that people are full of shit. This has know fact for many centuries, but no one has had the audacity to speak upon it. With this being said, what gives people that ego that all people want them? You know what, I'm finished apologizing for things that I have not done. I'm repudiating all of polite actions given, or given to me. I have came to a point in my life that being nice has gotten me nowhere, and being a bitch will finally capture peoples judgment that I don't think of you any differently. In terms of the friend: If anything she is the one that people should fear. It's her that has a motive with the women she talks to and befriends. The conversations that we have mentions something about what she'll do these various girls, and I, being the respectable person that I am, tends to sit there and nod. I wonder if it because of the questionable rumor spread about me being a "player," when lord knows I'm so not. I refuse to own up to something that is making me out to be the criminal when it come the the same sex. So I ask of you: would you rather me infamous for something that you've done, or famous for something you you haven't done at all?
I'm the type of person that when it comes to identity fits under several categories: I'm Gay, I'm black, and I'm a woman.....Simple right? Not exactly. These labels mean that I'm most likely only going to be seen for what I'm label as by the members of my community and culture. This is one of my main fears when it comes to growing up in a business that labels make who you are. For Example, if an African-American man's film does really well in the theaters, the headlines would most likely read "Black Filmmaker does well in Box Office." The same thing goes for the homosexuals of the film world. I bet you can't name five mainstream gay/lesbian actors that are still making "straight" money or getting the same sort of attention. It's barbaric! Why do I have to be a lesbian director, or a black director? I don't see "White straight Director wins Oscar," why would you do it to me??? I just want to a director like everyone else, but I don't see that anytime soon.
When I was growing up, I was always on the stage! During holidays at church, in my community theater, even in city wide performances. I was always on stage! This was the case until I got in to High School. I'd spend my afternoons hovered around the call-board of my school, and signing up for the miscellaneous auditions that were posted at random. I was in this school for a reason, which was to train to be a professional actress; and Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts was the place to do so. It's famous for it! However, not everyone caught the eye of the theater faculty of the school. The same 6 or so people were always chosen and you were lucky to even receive a supporting role, you were even more fortunate to get a non-speaking role as an extra. I was hurt when I never got a main role in the main stage productions, but people knew I could act. So with all odds against me, I turned to directing. I became a director that secretly wanted to act, but in the minds of my peers I was one of the best directors of the school. My dinile of acting role eventual led me to directing roles, which led me to my first real love: Film.
When it come to people who influenced me, the list becomes infinite. However, I'm only allowed to discuss film, but I'll slip some others in here too. The directors in my life are the reasons why I am the way I am. My dark side of film comes from the strange, yet talented: Tim Burton. The way he makes his film thought provoking......no wait, I take that back.....Its the mind fuck that he does that keeps us hanging on every scene! Seriously, who doesn't love The Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands, or even (dare I say it) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?!?!? He makes the dark and strange, slightly pleasant. I can only dream of making my films take someone head and twist their minds! Next, my disturbed twisted Texan side, the credit goes to my love for Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez films. Ever since "From Dusk to Dawn" I love both the partner ship, and the directing/screenwriting styles of the two separately. So, of course, when they did Grindhouse I couldn't contain my excitement. I know I would usually just name off all the movies I love, but don't think this computer can take all the awesomeness.(Hahaha) Then, when it comes to who I feel are my roots in film, and are my grandfathers of film credit goes to: Ingmar Bergman (a Swedish filmmaker active from the 40s-00s, and who excitingly shares the same birthday as me), Francis Ford Coppola (Director of "The Godfather," Apocalypse Now," and pretty much the greatest man ever because I met him and it was like talking to God.....well a Film God), and last but certainly not least Martin Scorsese. I he wouldn't be like a Grandfather though, but maybe like a Uncle in film. Although all of these great people are my influences in film, my biggest influence in my Mother who told me to keep filming when times got and I wanted to give up. So all of my achievements and goals, the credit goes to her.
This blog is dedicated to those of you who love film, want to be in films, and who just plan old want to hear me rant about the thing I both love and hate of the world. I'll begin the series with a short autobiography about myself: I'm Deanna, I'm 18 years-old, and I'm a filmmaker. Above all, I'm also a visual artist, an African Dancer (of 3 years), and last (and very least) I'm gay. Why do you think me and Mickey got along so quickly? We're family! However, I'm going to leave the homosexual expertise to him. This blog series is about the films that are worth the blood, sweat, and tears; and the films not even worth the hour or so it raped you of. It's clearly a trend that people refuse to make a great piece of art anymore. I mean its even come to a point where people can't even decide which bad film to watch. Good thing I'm here, I'm going to spend time on this page watching and learning what makes a bad movie, while also letting my fellow movie goers know what to watch. With this being said, stay tuned for the loving and hating of movies.
